Promises

Here we are on week two of being past the deadline of a promised blog drop. I have started and stopped so many blog posts, unsure what to write. Most of which just felt as if those weren’t what I was suppose to write. Feeling discouraged and like I have failed my audience, God had different plans and the perfect blog post to share at the right time.

Recently, my Pastor; Josh Johns (we attend Whitehouse Assembly of God) did a sermon on Abraham and Sarah, when they were promised a son by God at a very old age (Genesis 12). There are many angles to this story. One for the woman/and or man waiting for that child they have prayed for. Been there. However, my Pastor used this story to explain God’s Promises.

Has God ever promised you something in your spirit and you’re still waiting for it happen? Slowly losing faith? Or has God promised you something or even more than one thing and he answered in a way you never thought he would?

In the Bible, God tells us to ask and it will be given to us, search and we will find, knock and the door will be opened for you (Matthew 7:7-8). Now this scripture doesn’t mean that God is giving hand-outs and granting our every wish. What it means is if you are pressing into God and communicating with him, you’ll receive what you need of what you ask.

You may be thinking, if this Almighty God knows all, why do I have to ask, search and knock?

Put it in a parent’s perspective or even just the basics of communication. You may already know what your child needs, but you want to teach them to come (search) and ask for what they need to prepare them.

Now let’s circle back to Abraham and Sarah, the results weren’t happening as quickly as they were wanting. They tried to speed up the process of the promise. Sarah offered another woman to her husband if it meant getting a son out of the scandal.

Have you ever been there? You’ll do anything and I mean anything to get what you want when you want it?

I don’t think I would ever go to Sarah’s extreme of getting my heart’s desire. But I have been there, feeling the fire build up of frustration and desperation she felt. As if she was running out of time. I would feel that way to if God promised me a child in my nineties.

Seasons

One of my favorite scriptures is Ecclesiastes 3: 1- 8. The very first verse states “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Then looking at verses 2-8 breaks down those seasons. God knew what those seasons would look like. The good, the bad and the plain out ugliest of situations.

Remember, God instructs us to ask, search and knock on those doors through these seasons. If you have read some of my previous blog posts, you can see that this last year, especially the last couple of months have been one of the most wearying seasons of my life. I have shared some of my financial hardship but I only exposed the tip of the iceberg all while trying to start a business.

The financial hardship is a understatement, consisting of a repo and past due daycare expenses. Embarrassing right?!! Now combine that with my husband’s alcohol addiction that led him straight to a DUI and loosing his job for a few weeks right before Christmas. Here we are going from financial hardship plowing straight into a financial disaster.

Are you ready for the cherry on top? You’ll need a little backstory first.

When I was pregnant with my daughter in 2019, I was told I contrasted HPV (Reference-https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm) and more then likely had it for a few years. I had only had two partners, my husband and one other person. Same thing with my husband. Myself and my step-son’s mother is my husband’s partners. That helps me narrow down the fact that I did not contrast from my husband. (TMI I know, Sorry)

Moving on, if you read the link of information it tells you that HPV usually resolves itself within two years, however if it doesn’t, it creates major health problems. Needless to say, mine did not resolve itself.

Fast forwarding two years, I am doing my womanly check up; my cells are still abnormal. So, here comes biopsy time…

Are you still ready for the cherry on top???

The HPV had turned into the beginning stage of cervical cancer.

The “c-word” was a punch to the gut and heartbreaking. I was told with how early on, a surgery should be able to remove the infected cells and recovery should be fairly easy. At the same time that I was diagnosed, I was in the process of becoming a surrogate for this amazing couple from our church. Honestly, my heart broke even more for them. If anyone deserved a child, it was most definitely them.

Cancer, there can’t be anything worse then cancer, right? Yeah, I thought the same thing. I was already trying to process it, trying to keep it to myself, wanting to vent, honestly not knowing what exactly to think. Especially considering that my great-grandmother had to have a full hysterotomy at about my age now, twenty-five due to cervical cancer. There was a incident where I decided to speak about it; to my unknowing; it was to a survivor. I’m sure this person meant well, but I was told to “Thank my lucky stars it wasn’t terminal.” Not going to lie, I felt a great deal of guilt for feeling depressed about the cancer after that conversation. At that point, I pretty much stuffed away any feelings about it.

It was time to get the surgery scheduled so I could get past this season of my life. Honestly with stuffed feelings came some procrastination. However, I attempted time after time to get the surgery scheduled during December 2021. I know, worst time ever. I was told to call back after first of the year.

A few weeks into the first of the year, I finally get the returned phone call to schedule the surgery; just to be told that I was would have to pay out of pocket for the surgery due to the new year and not reaching the deductible within my insurance yet. I was devastated.

So now what has went from a financial hardship, to a financial disaster, is a complete financial and health catastrophe.

Amen, Hallelujah

Through this entire season I have prayed, my faith not always at it’s strongest but I kept my faith. God has threw the book at me when he said in Proverbs 3:5 to not lean on my own understanding though. I’ll share why I say that.

Through my husband’s addiction battle, I truly believe there is this spiritual not only battle but war for his soul. When he found out about insurance not paying for my surgery. He lost it, literally lost it. He blamed God and I feel like apart of him wanted me to blame God too.

I didn’t, I stood strong in my faith and hope, feeling alone through the devastation. I just knew to ask, search and knock on the door of hope.

Despite the stockpile of downfalls, I had been praying for my husband’s sobriety long before the avalanche of misfortunes. Holding onto God’s Promise of deliverance for him. This wasn’t our first rodeo of this stronghold of addiction for him. But I had faith, if God could deliver him from an far way worse addiction prior than what he was addicted to now, he could do it again.

I honestly don’t know what I expected that deliverance to look like and it is still a work in process. However, a DUI and losing his job was the last thing I thought God was going to send to get my husband to stop drinking. I truly believe it was a blessing. I would say it caught my husband’s attention, and he is working through recovery. My husband would probably disagree but all those drowning court costs are worth every bit of a sober husband.

Answered prayer in a way I never thought would happen – Amen, Hallelujah

After a few weeks of us looking for a new job for my husband, it was getting harder and harder due to him not having a license. Praying, really begging God to provide the second source of income back to relieve the accumulation of past due bills. His previous employer decided to allow him back!

Answered prayer in a way I never thought would happen – Amen, Hallelujah

Daycare. My children attend the daycare that is attached to our church. At one point getting so far behind that our children couldn’t attend until our bill was paid. All while still being charged to keep their spot. I stepped out on whim and texted our pastors wife asking if there was anyway we could work off the debt. They needed plumbing work done and I was married to a plumber! Things seemed to be working out there and then we got behind again still trying to play catch up. Literally out of no where during the same week of my repo (no one knew about the repo), our Pastor decided to up the amount he thought the plumbing work was worth and apply it to our daycare bill.

Answered prayer in a way I never thought would happen – Amen, Hallelujah

Oh…. the repo. That one hurt a lot. Not only did we lose our means of transportation, we lost it while at dinner at a friend’s house. See, I told you it was embarrassing. I cried that entire night until I fell asleep feeling as if I was a lowlife and a failure for my children.

A few months back, my husband and Father-In-Law was discussing my husband purchasing his mustang. That went out the window, rightfully, once my husband received the DUI. Before the repo, the goal was still to purchase the mustang from my Father-In-Law when our money was sustained again considering the vehicle was also in need of a fuel pump.

I promise you, God blessed me with the best support system. While trying to figure out what we were going to do about a vehicle, my mother and sister were right there to take me wherever I needed to go. Then the amazing Father-In-law God blessed me with decided to sign the mustang over to me; free of charge and fuel pump fixed!

Answered prayer in a way I never thought would happen – Amen, Hallelujah

So far we have had four Amen, Hallelujah’s. Thank you, Jesus! These are wonderful things that no doubt has been miracles by God. What about the cancer though? I don’t mean to sound ungrateful at all but that is what was haunting me daily. The guilt, depression and fear was consuming me. I had family member’s planning to skip their mortgage payments just to pay for the surgery. I couldn’t allow that or live with it.

Remember, that amazing couple I mention earlier. They invited us out to dinner a week or so ago. This didn’t seem odd to us. We were friends in the church, just never mingled outside of the sanctuary aside from the surrogacy plan. Excited all week to go, at the last minute we were unable to get a babysitter for our children. We almost cancelled last night. Praise God we didn’t. Our children came and we enjoyed trying new foods and the company; already reluctant of accepting their offer to pay for the meal.

Towards the end of the evening, as I am sitting next to the wife, Amanda, she mentioned that over the last few weeks that God put us on their hearts. As I respond to her, thanking her for the prayers; thinking to myself “if you only knew, please just keep praying”. During that conversation with Amanda, her husband, Jonathan hands my husband an envelope. Confused and tending to my our daughter, my husband hands it to me.

I open it and it was a check wrote out to us in the amount that will cover the cost of my surgery!

Tears began to wail up in my eyes and at first I felt there was no way we could accept it. I then express to them that it was the amount to cover the biggest expense we were facing. Praise God and to this amazing couple that chose to be obedient to God, I will be healed!

Answered prayer in a way I never thought would happen – Amen, Hallelujah!!!!

If you have made it all the way through my testimony, I appreciate you. In the beginning of this blog post I shared that I was back and forth trying to decide what to write. I didn’t want to share all of the trials and tribulations we have been through. I felt ashamed.

God reminded me though that there is no shame in sharing what God has provided for you. God reminded me that this what a testimony is. God reminded me that this what will give the next person hope and show them the Love of God in so many different way and through an abundance of people.

God has promised me deliverance for my husband with his strongholds, God has promised me he would provide and God has promised me I would be healed. God may not have granted these promised the way I thought he would and when he would but that is why he the Almighty God, not me! We may still have financial hardship but I have faith that God will continue to deliver us from us to where we can bless us just as Amanda and Jonathan were able to bless us!

It is easy to dwell on your avalanches but just take a moment to sit back and think….

What are some of your Amen, Hallelujah’s?

#prayer #Blog #faith #blessings #obedience #hope #God #Amen #healing

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